Adam’s Ale

I used to think that drowning 

Would be one of the worst ways to die

To feel your lungs fill up with water

Slowly stealing oxygen until the burn ends 

With the last instinctual breath

I've come to realize that drowning is easy

All you have to do is surrender 

Every swallow, an acceptance 

An admission of defeat

A swan song

I've always been drawn to the ocean 

Maybe a bittersweet metaphor for

Life and death, a beginning and an end

What once held and cradled me

Now dragging me beneath, an eternal blue

A final rest

Closer to the center of the earth

Than any casket would ever take me

But, maybe when my hands are folded in there

I'll look like I'm floating back into myself

I realize now that drowning is easy

When every day, a preparation 

Every emotion, every loss, 

A waterboard

Flooding my mouth with hopelessness

Wiser now, to swallow it down

Than to hold my breath any longer 

A last amendment to myself

An offering, a gift

A sense of control over the inevitable 

Don't we all want to die on our own terms?

I'd rather aid my death than fight it, anymore

Not necessarily a forfeit to me

But rather, a repentance 

My soul given back, maybe reborn into something better

A chance to become something new

That's what dying is

And why would I neglect that opportunity when

All I've ever wanted was to be worth something 

Be something greater

A new mind, without disease

A more gracious heart,

Haven't been riddled with pain

No walls built around me

Open, like the ocean

When you've nothing to hold onto

When your body grows tired of floating 

When you become sick of staring at the sky

Bargaining, praying, pleading 

You'll realize then, that maybe drowning is easier